This is nothing fancy,
just everyday thought's or weekend's,
when ever time allow's me.
Mood Today........ Is Always Interesting
From ... USA
Drawing And this...LOL -Fav's
Show these and Respect
you shall have.
Input... Love looks not with
the eyes, but with the Heart
The Best and most Beautiful
things...cannot be seen or
touched, they must
be felt with the Heart.
Well amazing, every once in a while, I find myself here (wondering) what I am doing.
Another words, how do I forget to write,then write, then forget again?? Oh well, nothing I can do right now on that train of thinking. So mise well take advantage while I am here to write.
Oh well I am thinking cause sometimes it is here and sometimes it is on real paper with a real pen..lol...thoughts, always though being written, just never in the same form I would guess.
Well found out my website is no longer today also. So that was alot of years, but like anything else, time will fade it away.
Besides my moms page, I am ok with it, it will always be a memory, like everything else. And plus, why keep the same things, Life is about change and that is does.
Well life seems strange one more time in life, feels like a ride again, and of course trying to figure out, what is goin on.
I moved back to my home state under certain standards, but the person that is family and that I trusted, I dont know lied???..Is what I say, didnt seem to keep up with the part of the agreement. and with that seems extra things now, and dosent seem, like we care what another thinks, or for the fact, that if you are a parent, you should take into thought, what the other parent is saying, not just to gradify yourself and make yourself happy, and let the other fall. It is a sad story somewhat, but believe it or not, I can surly understand it.
But now what does the Lord say on it??..And how do I go about making it right now?
Being some wont listen, cause they only hear there voices. And they seem to leave others hanging in there, like its ok, well its not ok.
It really disturbs me that people walk on you acting like they gave you something and yet, dont take there own resonsibilty for it, I just dont get it. Or what, move away and leave there family behind and then act like its ok...But who is the one that plays mother in this, the one being the mother, which gives much, or the one dealing with all the stuff, the mother over looks?..Yea things that make you go Hmmm.
I also dont get, you try so hard to do right, and in this was for my girls and yet now my girls have to live with it also and what, they dont get a say? Why, cause there not the others child? And only that child, is aloud to live what in sin, what right under my kids nose? With out say? What is that..Lord have mercy, trying to do whats right, and live and then all this, I just dont get.
Well I cant sit here an linger, or I will end up writing a novel once again..|The thing is pray an hope in the Lord. He is bigger then what people think they are. And were does my trust come from. The Lord, I have to put the burden at the cross and pray all works out the way it was meant to be.
And inbetween that, to just be still and I rather write then let all the bad harboring come out my mouth and cause ruckous in front of those girls, who by the way deserve none of this (past few years)
I say one thing, when a father leaves his family and dosent return, it makes you think, always think, how it will all turn out and how the children, will turn out..knowing the single parent hood, and the parent trying so hard to keep it together and no one even knowing, how bad it hurts. And all you want is your children to be safe and know they are important and yet other things come in the way and always disturb it. This which should have been a great thing, is turning to all haven there guards up.
And the funny thing, is when a child brings to your attention, others feelings, with out them saying so, its what they feel the other is feeling and yet, now what, I am to let them feel that or tell them it is not true, even when you see and feel things yourself. And the person, usally is right in all her callings...Hmmmm
Oh well must get for now...for a later time...Untill then, think positive....ok try!! At least........=)
Well I thought , since I have not been here, and came here, I might as well write. I need to keep my mind busy anyways.
I am disturbed at the moment. And one has me in a a wow place, one that, wow, one needs lots of self controll. She has kept me up all night and yelling, I somewhat have a sore throat now. Lord help that child find her place and give her the peace she needs. I have thought with her fathers doing years ago and then her ds walking out, and loseing people, that her mind is else were and I just can't seem to be the one right now to fix another thing except my own self.
My other dd who is in the hospital, I am thinking has many thoughts, My heart is breaking for her at the moment. Because her dh left after the baby was born, wnt back for a few then left and never went back and now today, this whole day has gone by and he hasent showed up yet.
I guess in my heart of hearts, I have to know, you tell you explain and yet, can't seem to get ones to understand, that life is not that fairy tale they dream of.
And it is sad to know, that you don't want to say I told you so, so you don't, but wow.The lessons learned are so powerful that you wish some would wake up in them.
I think how ever for my own life, it keeps changing and I keep going. That I think I want to update on a few things , so that way when I look back, to know how very blessed I really am. But it took me a long time to get there and still along time to go.
I have to be thankful for "all" the doors that have closed, knowing there was reason and Very Thankful for all the doors that have open. And pray for a strong heart to keep on going....But that blog is for another time, not right now, were as I am so tired at the moment and have to prepare for my daughter and the baby in the AM.
So with all that in thoughts-ville, think I will take a break and eat alittle something and maybe come back to this or wait on another time.
Thought I would share this with a few, Am going to start putting my writings together and see what comes of it. Instead of many pieces of papers that pile up in ones journey.
So sending it out, the start of it right now, on the net, in blogs and so forth and know a few people , another words to get it published, if be.....So may the story unfold.
Not to change the story in no way shape or form..But if the kudos are out there, please do share...Its a start on this journey....
Would it catch your attention?
Threw the Secret Window
The Eyes of the Unknown,
By JD Laney
Amazing what life is too look like when you are older. Or should I say what people think it should look like for you.
Truly amazed when you think on something and you can remember it like yesterday, and yet another will try to tell you, No, or then almost looked scared that you remembered it, and would even say something.
Funny how you are taught not to lie, deceive or just plain learned to be honest, at all cost, all things, and yet its almost threw all adults ,that you will learn, most of this first hand.
I am amazed what I can feel which is all mine, yet another would like to deceive you and fool you.
Also the lies one would tell to protect you? Which I find rather funny,because it is those same people ,who are actually protecting only them self's. And trying now to let you deal, which was once theres. Only theres.
The cycle continues little do we know from start to finish,which is the thing called life.
But yet on who's standards is it in this life?
The people you think are the closest to you "The Protectors"..How come it's to there advantage, how you should feel?
How can one speak of something on there own, and yet claim it's theres at one time or another? And yet, were those many masks, in the next moment.
It makes you wonder were all the honesty is. Were all the people are, who would so readily tear you apart. Yet are so not honest, with there own self.
Remember if you see your own self, in this story, it's not because your story is mine. It is because , it is your story threw, The Secret Window.
Well, I am thinking...how do you go into the future when the past, wont step aside????
Trying for the longest time, to get things in order and to find out, things are in order, only yet the things of the past, stop the rest and then you cant move forward.But you really Can!! Or is that the other persons intentions? Whats with that..Another thing I do not get, is when something is over, what makes another think, they can prolong it...dosent years tell you something..dosent time tell you something?..Things that also make you go hmmm.
Life is good with everything and yet, its like being on a stand still, stuk in time..so what, then you get on with the rest of it and then what, someone comes in an trys to take it away, well then so be it I would guess,.wouldnt make things easier on the others, but I am ok with it. Plus I am going to continue to be.
Anything making sence, I would think not an on the other hand, makes perfect sence.
Time will tell all I am sure. And am I venting...naaa...am thinking things are in a progress right about now and yep, time will tell all.
And I am ok with it..Been a long time and about ready for anything...Its time to live again. its time that others cant steal your joy and its time, people realize, this world isent with only them in it...And that..we all have a voice and another thing, is when something is over....Its OVER..People shouldnt forse someone to do nor say nor stay in anything they wish not too..Its not right.
Well 2007 was just the beginning and with that was many blessings, I have seen open doors and shut doors. And am thinking with 2008 here and now..a new year ahead of us..in hoping things go the way they ought too..not the way one thinks is should be.
ok ok..I know my mind is in thinking mode...and the words seem a little jumbled...and yet the mind also knows what it is trying to say..
All I know is with so many things changeing all the time..I am hoping things change for the good and that this year would be a blessing on to all it needs to be, and that some let go of the past no matter what was there and that others will hold on to the future and the future hope.
I think we all move forward, just sometimes we dont see it, right away, but when you put your self in thinking mode, you can see how far you have came.
Here again..wow too days in a row...must be a holiday...lol
Well am wondering about a few things in general..about some people..When all is going well, how do they manage to mess it up..I know people cant make you think certain ways but do believe they know your emotions and sometimes play with them. I know they take for granted in some degree of the other person and I also know , they know what there doing (most of the time) and then come up with many things to make you feel crazy..when you know that is not true....
A pet peeve to me, is a lying person...they know the truth and yet choose to beat around and seems like they cant for some reason, stick to one story line and yet you know the truth and yet they still continue to play, I really dont get things some times.
And I dont get how one day, one can seem so close and then yet so far the very next day..It is all amazing to me, when you think on some of these things.
And yet those same people think they are yet so compassionate...Go figure..right..
Also if people are so different why do you get the ones that think you have to agree with them all the time, like the things they like, etc etc....Like as if you didnt have your own mind and thoughts... Is like no I dont like that, so what do they go out and get...that...makes no sence... Or, you tell them the truth and for the life of them, they wont admitt to it...Or they say sorry, for this and sorry for that, but you made me more or less like this.....But if people are different, and they say they cant do it to you, why then, do the same people think, you did it to them.
So many thoughts...well I guess till I come back, I had to vent...lol...
Well wow, I didnt even know this site was still around..I havent been in here in wow, such a long time. Didnt know it still worked. And amazing how I find things and write in various places.
Well so much has changed since the last time I was on here, I have moved out of state, my one daughter moved out...to find herself *grin* and been seperated for 3 years now. Worked the cinema and hotels and POs..started a new beginning and the other girls are doing fine. Stuk with homeschooling...Christmas was great and this was all second holidays here, since we moved.
Well I dont know if I will continue to write here, being I have a few other places to write also, but maybe I can give it a shot. This is my new journey and my new beginning and well I will see what comes nexted and pick a place to write thoughts and then take it from there, I guess I have to see what works best for the time being.
Well wow anyways still shocked the (this) site still runs and I remembered everything on here, so with that, I think I will put this in thought an take it from there.
I hear always "Hold on"....But my questions is what excatly am I to hold on to? Will I grip it..Will I slip and fall..Will I stay stable..Were will I land?
So much space and not enought time. People confuse you, play with your emotions.
I wonder why people do what they do..what do they get out of it ...anything? Or is it they want that much control over ones Soul, Is that possible?
I think,I want to know why some won't let go and others it is so easy for them.What is the play ,what is the time...what is the solutions..is there any?
Hmmm is that a people pleaser...Do we have to please people? And what if we don't why do they intend to still bug you? Well it bugs me...Is like I am I,why can't you except that..why the emotons, I owe no man.
Be an observer..take a look..what do you see?
In my own little cornor in my own little chair , I can be what ever I want to be.
Just Emotions....too much "EMO"
Not enough of time, space, thoughts, imagination, dreams, etc, or is there..Is it people put what they want first, they put there pride first there selfishness first...Oh things that can drive ones mind to come up with answers....always waiting,always wondering, always thinking. Is that me, Is that you????
When I grow up I want to be just like...whoooooo...ME?!?
Flooded by the emotional upheave..............Flooded by thoughts..........Wow another day another ?????????
I cant believe I have found myself back here once again, soooo interesting.
Wow were have I been for the past few years, did I forget to vent, was life grand or did I just misplace it? And how did I get back here now? Was it in memory, was it sugessted..owell why debate, let me just go along for the ride.
Maybe a challenge to see what is here and now. What has changed? Who has changed? Have I changed?? What was left behind ? Who was left behind? And what has moved forward? So many thoughts.
A place to vent and be me, no one to tell you , you are right or wrong. Is it all in the mind and or ,in the heart, what does one see and what does one want....well all I know is lets see were the journey leads this time..always interesting is ones thoughts and being.
Wow, so quiet today..blows my mind..But tis ok, can deal with it and was kinda nice. (content for me anyways) but seems what I just heard, was not content for others.
And enjoyed the outdoors were as in a few more weeks , won't be as nice as today was.
Loved it..being I love the outdoors and nice days..Seems so much more uplifting then cold dark , winter days.
Well everything else is still the same, except Allie and her new b/f..she is in cloud 9 for now, but I won't go there yet. But seeing her with a smile is better then seeing her so down and confused..yep..So one day at a time on this note.
Wish you can reach in some minds and not only listen but help..yep..world is a big place and seems when young, you may think you know it all..but wow.
Well all for this story...just when your thoughts can roll, you have to get off..so back to this another time..grrrrr!!!!
Wow..what now, everyday amazes me..always something going on and or something to think on like the last post..short and sweet , yet says lot's.
Well just been thinking for hour's here and wondering what went wrong now..was it something I said? Was it saying to much...Or was it, letting someone in? Hm...my guess is gone out the window...You woke up and everything seems normal..least to oneself and then bam, something messes up.
I thought yesterday about the honesty thing..is it something of the heart, that maybe someone just dosent get it? Maybe all thoughts should be left alone.
Maybe you really dont know anyone...Seems like, you think you know someone, or enough to trust and then, it changes..and you sit and try to figure out why. Why is it so hard to figure out? I don't know but wow, happening in life lot's I guess.
Does it boil down to was it really your friend to begin with...were they going to be there for you or was it just a time and season and then poof, there gone..Nothing like it was and will never be.
Learning much and not not understand a few things.
Maybe ask who are your friends? Or maybe what are friends, we think we have that one down, untill things get sticky and you watch them run..Not fight, not even fight to keep ya.
Like Jonathan would say, "people are just people"..wow right.
Maybe like the end times, when everything starts falling apart.. or maybe , just no one will see anything coming..
Does all this make sence? na, how could it, it didnt to me..just saying..just thoughts..rambling threw ones mind.. And yes, you think you got it, but you really don't...talk about that simple, makes all the sence in the world..somehow.
What do people want anyways? For them selfs, are then better then you? do they not sin? pride? selfisness? that list can go on a while. I don't have a clue, but getting to know some make me very confused..and confusion..not from the Lord..right...hmmmmm.
And I guess when one has something to say, why don't they just say it, why do they go round and round..reminds me of something........ you have to go off the wall, for one to hear ya, why is that?
Well lot's of Hmmmmms today..thinking...I thought I was doing good, now went back to think on it..something is not right, but haven't figured that part out yet.
Good thing there is really one good friend that sticks to your side and will always count..Funny thing is He Loves ya no matter what else happens or anything..just for you..wow..now were is that on earth in flesh.hmmmmm
Oh well no use in pondering thoughts here..have had enough on that note lately..Think it may be time to just leave well enough alone and get going with life, you will know who is at your side..cause the Lord says, I will give you family..yep!!
More burdens...good thing the good Lord is there willing to carry them..Wow!
They can take my everything, but they cant take my dignity..hmmmmm heard that before.
Owell...K sa da for now anyway......
One day, I will figure it all out, well never all..maybe just what I need too..yep!